Week 12: A Toilet in the Wardrobe

This is what you’ve all been waiting for ... another toilet post! The family I’m staying with this week will get the prize for having the weirdest toilet circumstances so far.

I thought I was sleeping next to a wardrobe ... But it turned out to be ... not the wardrobe to Narnia ... but the wardrobe to the toilet! I can’t see why you would waste wardrobe space by making an extra entrance to the loo. (There is another ”normal” door as well.) Also there’s no lock on the wardrobe door either side, so if you use the toilet anyone could walk in on you through the wardrobe. The gap between the wardrobe doors is big enough to have a peep, but luckily for the person who is peeing or whatever, the toilet itself isn’t within sight.

I’ve never seen anything like it in Sweden – or England for that matter. If you have let me know!

PS. Despite the weird wardrobe, I’d give the toilet 4 out of 5 stars as its clean and have mixed taps and no carpet.

Read more about my view on English toilets here.

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Week6: Taking the Piss

This week I’m staying with a well-travelled guy who is fluent in JavaScript and other cryptic languages. Yesterday I went with him to The Brighton Farm, a networking group for freelancing new media types, and beforehand I was warned by another guy: ”People get pissed and abuse each other”.

It wasn’t that bad at all. Most people who go the Farm are serious about their work and have received a lot of support when building up their careers as freelancers. I overheard people asking for advice on everything from mobile apps to making promotional videos, and I went home with a couple of business cards in my pocket, but if you’re not familiar with the English expression ”taking the piss out of someone”, you might be in for a shock.

There were some people who called each other ”crazy” and did things like folding a fiver so it looked like ”the queen’s bum cheeeks”. I could give more examples, but they would be too rude to put in print.

I’d prepared myself to be bored. I’d thought the evening would be more like a meeting where people discussed HTML in detail, than a fun social event where anything goes. I chatted to a Chinese woman who had been to Sweden and found it strange that so many dark films like The Girl with the Dragon tattoo and Let the Right One In could could come out of a country that seemed so fairy-tale like on the surface. I blamed the dark Swedish soul due to the long winters, but against my will I found myself laughing along with the guys who made fun of each other’s surnames and downing pints like there was no such thing as work the next day. (Even though this netdrinking often leads to new job opportunities).

 

When I asked my host what he missed about England when he was away travelling he said, without hesitation: ”The humour. Having a cup of tea or drink with someone, having a laugh and taking the piss.’

 

According to Wikipedia “taking the piss out of someone” is an expression meaning to mock, tease, ridicule, or scoff. I also read up about the origin and there are several theories all urine-related, but as mentioned above, I want to keep this blog reasonably family-friendly, so if you’re interested you can read more here.

At the end of the night I when I took a piss (literally), I was once again amused by the dysfunctional English toilets.

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Week 1: The Quirks of English Toilets

 Before I moved to England I was warned about English toilets. 

“They have carpets in the loo!” people told me, looking appalled. “What if you’re sick? Or spending a penny when you’re drunk? It’s not like you can wipe the floor with disinfectant soapy water after …”

 

The toilet in the house where I’m staying this week is to my relief carpet free, but there’s another problem: there’s no sink. 

Sometimes dirty (and I mean literally dirty) business happens in the toilet and you want to wash your hands straight after you’ve been. If the sink is located next door, this isn’t that easy; someone might be having a bath and there you stand with the p-word on your fingers not knowing what to do. Of course you could wash your hands in the kitchen sink, but that’s not very hygienic.

Another quirk about English bathrooms is that in a lot of places there are still separate taps for hot and cold water, and the hot tap is often so hot you burn your fingers. There are warning signs everywhere, but I still forget. If you just want to wash your hands it seems like a waste to put the plug in and mix the water, so most of the time I end up washing my hands in either freezing cold or scorching hot water. (But I’ve seen people having both taps on at the same time, moving their hands between them.)

I pointed out the problem with sink free toilets to the person I’m staying with and she agreed it wasn’t very convenient, but said that nowadays, for health and safety reasons you’re probably not allowed to build a room with just a toilet in it.*

She didn’t really have a comment about the separate taps as she’s so used to it, but her Swedish housemate who’s a care worker said the scorching hot water ruins his skin because he has to wash his hands all the time. And talking about health and safety, he also mentioned that mixing the water in the sink isn’t very hygienic as you wash your hands in your own dirt, a bit like having a bath which is still very popular in England. (For four years I lived in two different flats in Hove with no shower, only a bath with no shower hose!)

I think a little bit of dirt is good for you though; Swedish people tend to be too clean and that’s probably why a lot of people suffer from allergies in Sweden. I’m already excited about what the toilet conditions are going to be in the next place I’m staying. Funnily enough, after writing this, I’m almost hoping there’ll be a carpet as it will at least keep your feet warm(er).

*Just had a comment on Facebook from Liz saying "But - separate loo means not having to wait while someone finishes their shower/makeup/cleansing ritual etc." Fair enough!

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