Swenglish has a big sister!

At Klubb Aktersalongen in Gothenburg I met an author who has written a "sister book" to Swenglish. 

Jakten på den perfekta puben ("The Hunt for the Perfect Pub") is the name of Kristina Svensson's masterpiece. It's set in Wales and describes her experience of living and working there. She also visits quite a few pubs. Obviously. 

The book is a masterpiece in my point of my view because I recognise so many British quirks. 

Messy backyards, page 36:

Kristina writes about the backyards of houses that you see from train windows. She wonders why nobody has ever thought of having two "fronts" of the house. As if they were oblivious to people on trains who can look straight at their backyard mess.

Unreasonable showers, page 64:

The author feels cheated by the expression "power shower". Your only choice is a "forceful cold shower" or a "hot trickling shower".

Lack of signposts, page 211:

If you go hiking in Britain it's easy to get lost as the signposts are usually well hidden. Something Kristina experiences in Usk valley. (This makes me think of when I was going to take my mum for a walk to Beachy Head and we had to call a taxi to even find the starting point from the bus stop.)

Queuing without clothes, page 255:

The author and I agree that people in Britain seem to lack outer garments like jackets. Especially when they queue outside night clubs.

Thank you, Kristina for an entertaining read!

And please don't be offended, we do love you, Britain!

The Swedish version of my book Svenglish which contains similar anecdotes will be out in November. Click here to see the invitation to my launch party. 

PÅ SVENSKA

Question 29: Do you Believe in God?

The English are more open for spirituality than the Swedes

Only one of the Swenglish project participants in Sweden and only one of the participants in England answered a straight "yes" when asked "Do you believe in God?" 

Most Swedes answered with a clear no, only a couple of people started talking about some kind of spiritual energy. And one person said:

"Only when I'm in a situation where everything is going tits up... Then I go a bit religious and start praying, as and when it suits."

The people I stayed with in England were more open for spiritual stuff. A majority believed there was "something more to it" even if they couldn't explain what it was. One person called herself a pagan and a couple of people were involved in meditation or yoga movements. A typical answer was:

”I believe there’s some kind of unifying being that connects all things, a sort of unity, nor good or bad. Like nature it can be cruel or dispassionate.”

PÅ SVENSKA

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. Look out for the next question: What's your biggest fear?

Swenglish Documentary Trailer

Film maker Adriana Sabau followed me with her camera when I did my Swenglish project. Staying with 30 people for 30 weeks to celebrate my 30th. An odd celebration, I know. It was more of an escape... 

PÅ SVENSKA

Question 25: How happy do you feel on a scale between 1 and 10?

Before I came up with the idea for the Swenglish-project I was down at 3,5 on the happiness scale. I felt confused and didn't know what to do with my life. I still don't know really and I'm still a bit confused, but I've accepted my situation. Nowadays I'm an 8 most of the time. I needed a big change in life, so I changed country, city, social circles, occupation... A bit drastic perhaps, but it was necessary.

How happy do you feel on a scale between 1 and 10? What a stupid question. Only one out of the 30 Swenglish participants answered "I hate that kind of questions" and refused to answer. That person, who lived in England, was very wise, I think. Of course you can't measure happiness or wellness. But I asked anyway.

This how the remaning people in England answered:

5  6  6  7,5  8  8  8  8  8  8  8  8  8,5 and "8 or 9 at happy times, other times 5 or 6"

The people in Sweden answered:

6  6  6  7  7  7  7  7,5  8  8  8  8  9  10  10  

The participants were asked to consider both mental and physical health, but often it goes together. More people than I'd thought had at some point seen a counsellor/therapist/psychologist and/or been on anti-depressants. According to the stats, 1 out of 4 people in both England and Sweden suffer from some kind of anxiety or depression. Even among the people who answered 8 there were people who had been diagnosed with depression. I also asked people what it would take to reach a 10. Some missed being in a relationship, others were unhappy with their career, others felt generally stressed or were anxious about the future.

PÅ SVENSKA

Sources:

http://www.livlinan.org/psykisk-oh%C3%A4lsa/psykisk-oh%C3%A4lsa-och-diagnoser.html

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-statistics/UK-worldwide

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. Look out for the next question: What do you do in your spare time?

Question 23: What's your Atittude towards Alcohol?

I drink less alcohol when I'm in Sweden compared to when I'm in England. (And I'm not talking about when just visiting.) If it depends on who I socialise with or if people in Sweden drink less is not that easy to figure out. But in general I've experienced that people in Sweden more often suggest going for a coffee instead of a pint.

When I interviewed the Swenglish participants about their attitude towards alcohol I discovered that a majority had a complicated relationship with drinking, here's a typical answer:

“I really like drinking, the feeling of it, the social side, the taste, but I really don’t like getting too drunk and the way I feel the day after. In this country [UK] heavy drinking has become totally acceptable and that’s bad. It’s a poison. At the end of the day it gives you a lot of damage.”

People in England as well as in Sweden were very aware that alcohol causes misery such as angst-ridden hangovers, fights and rape. There were vey few who thought that alcohol was solely a fun thing, not having any problems with. Even if most people drank in moderation, they still felt anxious, about their health or because they sometimes went over the limit and said and did things they would regret after. People in England had a slightly more positive attitude towards alcohol, emphasising the social aspect.

There was an idea among some of the Swedish participants that people in England had a more healthy attitude towards alcohol, that the English were able to go for a beer after work, being more spontaneous, whereas Swedes always have to drink to get drunk. I agree that the attitude in England is mor relaxed, people can go for a pint in the afternoon without making a big deal of it, but it doesn't mean they drink less in the weekends or that alcohol causes less problems. Nowadays I've also experienced that people in Sweden drink in the week even though the pub culture is far from as big as in England.

PÅ SVENSKA

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. A majority are heterosexual women, but there are a few men and some LGBT people in the study as well. Look out for the next question: What's your attitude towards drugs?

Question 22: What's your Favourite Drink?

Water instead of Alcohol

That people in Sweden appreciated water so much is not something I'd thought of. A third of the Swenglish participants in Sweden picked water as their favourite drink. Only four mentioned something alcoholic. But there were even less people, only three, who chose something alcoholic in England. Two people answered water.

Specific Coffee

What struck me when I compared the answers was that people in England were more specific when they talked about their favourite drinks, not only coffee but coffee with honey or chai latte. That coffee was as popular as tea among the English participants was another surprise to me!

Green Tea

The idea of the project was that I should eat and drink the same stuff as the people I stayed with, but already after the first week, I missed green tea so much that I had to cheat and buy a box of jasmine tea. But during the project I also got a taste for hot (soya) chocolate, something I haven't had since I was little! 

Favorite drinks among people in England

rooibos tea

chai latte

Earl Grey tea

Cappella juice

de-caf cappuccino

red wine

pint of Harveys

red wine

black coffee, occasionally with honey

coffee with milk

green tea

good quality water

water

tea with milk and one sugar

milk

Favorite drinks among people in Sweden

water

water

green tea

folköl (week beer, 3,5%) and coffee

hot chocolate

water

äppelmust (a non-alcoholic apple drink similar to cider)

dry white wine

red wine

milk

water

red wine

elderberry squash

water

PÅ SVENSKA

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. A majority are heterosexual women, but there are a few men and some LGBT people in the study as well. Look out for the next question: What's your attitude towards alcohol?

Question 19: How Much Do You Care About Your Appearance?

Last weekend some friends and I discussed appearance. One person was upset because her partner had said that she looked better with make-up on. Another person was upset because her partner had questioned her wearing make-up ... But how much do people care about their own appearance?

Some thoughts on appearance by people in England:

"It's fairly important, 7 out of 10. I'm not a great person for following fashion. I like to look clean and tidy. Sometimes my hair’s a mess and I don’t care. I'm very aware of how you can change your appearance."

“It's quite important. Before I haven’t cared or been over-the-top-silly as a joke. Now I’m more expressive, fluid. Lately I’ve spent time thinking people are beautiful”.

"I'm so uncool it becomes cool."

"I don’t spend much time on it all. Some days I don’t look in the mirror."

"I have a split personality. One part of me could wear the same old T-shirt and shorts all summer, another part of me is very vain. I enjoy clothes and appearance."

"I don’t dress really well, but I care about appearance. I don’t mind spending money on clothes, but I dress down in everyday life. I notice when someone dresses well, but I don’t judge someone if they don’t."

"It used to be more important. I feel I look ok when I make an effort, but am quite critical of my own appearance. I try not to stick out too much."

"I care less about it now, I used to be obsessive. Not that I thought that I looked good, but I didn’t want to frighten anyone ..."

"Like everybody I’d like to feel attractive but I also want to feel comfortable. I would like to loose weight, but am not a gym fan."

Some thoughts on appearance by people in Sweden:

"I've never liked make-up and stuff; I used make-up in high school because everybody else did that like."

"It's more important than I wish it was, especially when it comes to myself, it makes me anxious. However I'm not that obsessed when it comes to other people's appearance, not at all."

"It's quite important, a ritual ... I care quite a lot about how I look. It affects my self esteem ... I'm trying not to be a slave to loads of beauty ideals, but I'm sure I am anyway ... It would be completely wrong not to care at all, it wouldn't be me. Not to care about what clothes I wear would be a bit like hanging IKEA pictures on the wall."

"It's important, but it's not important to be good-looking ... It's important to be healthy and be fresh-looking, clean. I prefer no make-up when it comes to both me and other people. Rather clean comfy clothes than cool and trendy ..."

"It's not that important, but if you care about your appearance ... Most people can look good, but some people do not take care of themselves and then you become ugly." 

"I'm quite an aesthetic-minded person ... I experience the world visually and through music. A big part of my identity is to express myself through my appearance."

"I hardly ever look in the mirror, I never stand in front of a mirror. I always put make-up on quickly. Somehow I like to look nice, but I'm not making a fuss."

"You always want to look as good as possible. Show your best with clothes and hair and such."

"I would not change anything with myself. I'm happy with myself as I am. I'm not spending much time on my appearance, my way of dressing is quite boring. I wish I was more obsessed about my appearance."

My thoughts

I care a great deal about my appearance. I'm not trying to be good-looking or using loads of make-up or shaving in every place a woman is expected to shave, but I'm anxious to have some kind of style. To stick out a bit. Because I felt so invisible and ugly when I grew up ... At the same time I find it very boring with people who look perfect. Then I'd rather look like a too old hairy punk industrial hard rocker with attitude ...

Most people in both Sweden and England said similar things. They cared about their appearance, but were not obsessive. The older they were the less important it was. A Swedish person who lived in England said:

"I think guys dress better in Sweden and care more about their appearance. English guys can be quite scruffy. English girls are quite feminine. They often wear dresses and mini skirts, more so than in Sweden. In Sweden you dress very practically. People wear "all covering waterproofs" in Sweden, you don't get that in England."

PÅ SVENSKA

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. A majority are heterosexual women, but there are a few men and some LGBT people in the study as well. Look out for the next question: What's your favourite book?

Question 18: What do friends mean to you?

Some voices from England:

"I love my friends and I like collecting new friends and keeping in touch with the ones I got. I have a few long-distance friends. I only lost touch with one friend; it's the only friend I’ve ever dropped, but I thought carefully about it."

"I have a huge amount of friends. A lot of them are different. I can’t express how much of a vital thing they are. Last night all the people who came back I’d never met before. I like meeting new people. I hardly have any friends left from school,they all went in different directions."

"I want to be as self-sufficient as possible. I try not to rely on anyone. I don’t dare to make friends that important. I rather rely on God, it feels at bit safer than relying on a human being. I'm saying that without bitterness, I don’t blame people."

"They’re like my family cause I was never close to my parents and they’re not around. Can’t imagine life without my friends. My sister’s only got her boyfriend, I can’t understand that at all."

"It takes a lot to become my friend. I get on with everybody, but I don’t trust them. I need to hang out with them for a year or two before I consider them friends. My friends is my world, If I didn’t have them, I would have nothing. I don't have many friends from childhood, I lost contact when I moved."

"I value I got friends who don’t reject me cause I have a mental illness, they give me a link to the world of normality. I got quite a few friends, different friends for different things ... Friends to sit in the pub and moan with, friends to watch DVDs with, friends to sometimes have a heart to heart with."

"I mostly see 'mother friends', other people with children on a day to day, week to week basis."

"They are there if I need someone to talk to, I can cry in front of my friends but as you get older you want to burden people les and less ... I like it when I have a lot of my friends around me at the same time ... but when you don’t have a partner you don’t have someone special thinking about you."

"I'm very fortunate to have made friends with some actors I admired and ended up meeting later in life and ended up staying with them."

Some voices from Sweden:

"They're there even if they're not there in person."

"Well, they mean a lot, but it's also such a thing that meant more when you were younger, then you'd say: 'I'd never choose a boyfriend over a friend' as it was then, but in the end you'll always do that anyway ..." 

"I'm in a strange situation right now. I either have my boyfriend's friends or some old friends I'm trying to find my way back to ... I don't have that many close friends because of that. It's a bit like I've forgotten what it's like to have close friends."

"I don't really socialise ... I mostly have very close relationships with a few people, not that many acquaintances."

"The most important friends are from when I was 8-9 year old, we've always followed each other in life. It's a safety to know they're there, I'd do anything for them and I think they'd do anything for me."

"I don't hang out with friends that much. I've moved a lot and lost touch with some, many have kids and it takes up all their time."

"I've got a best friend, can you put it like that now?"

"It changed since I had kids and moved ... It's a bit tricky sometimes. I've had to find new forms for socialising with old friends. I've had a bit of a crisis when it comes to social relationships. Some live very far away; I wish I could see them more, have them in my life on a daily basis."

"I'm part of different crowds, it goes in cycles ... X is my all round friend, we travel together, she's single a lot, a friend I can do most things with. I've also been single a lot, have no kids; I still live the life I did when I was 23, you can do a bit what you want ... Friends come and go."

"I've got 200 friends on Facebook. It's relative. If you want to be a bit harsh you can divide it into female and male friends. The guys I'm with because of a need to hang out, do nice things with because we have the same interest. Perhaps we don't talk that deeply, but we still look out for each other. Female friends don't have the same interests perhaps ... It's more of an emotional relationship. They seem more caring towards me."

"I meet new and different friends every week. Some I've known for ten years, some for a week."

My thoughts

Right now I mostly hang out with people I've only known for a few months. I didn't think you could make new friends after 30 - I'm glad I was wrong. Although it feels as if it went quicker and smoother to meet new people in Brighton compared to Gothenburg. That it's more dramatic to suggest a beer or coffee in Sweden and that it feels more free and easy to do so in England. But it could also be due to the fact that I felt more free and easy in England; I didn't have any old friends to lean on over there and was more in need of making new contacts ...

PÅ SVENSKA

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. A majority are heterosexual women, but there are a few men and some LGBT people in the study as well. Look out for the next question: How much do you care about your appearance?

Question 17: Do you Want to have Children?

No biological clock

Thanks to the Swenglish-project I started liking kids for real, but I wasn't really inspired to have my own ... Mostly because my books and poems are my babies, and I've never felt that biological clock ticking. (Perhaps it will change when I'm 40, who knows ... ) Anyway, I enjoyed spending time at playgrounds and reading books for kids, but perhaps not every day ... 

Planned or Not Planned

5 of 15 participants in England had children and the figures were the same in Sweden. But in England 1 person was a bonus parent and 1 parent had thought she wouldn't become a parent because of medical conditions. And 1 of 5 in Sweden had not planned to have children at all.

"Well, it just happened, I didn't even know that I was pregnant ... But now I'd never want to be without having children. If it hadn't happened, I would perhaps never have had children ... I've never had a natural longing for kids. I've never wanted children or a family in that way, the way you should be, like what the norm is. But when I became pregnant, I wanted that kid at all cost."

Artist instead of a Parent

Out of the 10 people in England who did not have children, there were only 3 who wanted kids, 4 were hesitant and 3 said no. In Sweden 10 out of 10, who did not have children, wanted them. This difference is perhaps due to the fact that the ones who were hesitant or didn't want kids in England were engaged in different creative projects and/or didn't feel stable enough in their lives.

One person in England said this about the kid question: "When I was 36 I sat down and thought it through: I'd rather be an artist and put my creative energy into that."

However, 4 of 5 parents in England and 1 of 5 parents in Sweden were both parents and engaged in creative projects.

Unconditional love, but hard work

I also asked the people who had kids what the best and what the most difficult thing was about being a parent. Here are some selected answers:

"The best is that they're funny, we laugh a log, they are both very cuddly, but they are tiring, I suppose it kind of even itself out, they make you understand your parents more." 

"It's much harder and more complicated than I thought it would be. I used to be quite judgmental towards my parents, saying it was the parents fault. Now I've learnt a bit more, it's a lot more unpredictable, it takes lots more emotional intelligence ... Now and again it just hits me I'm this huge figure in someone's life, not in an ego way, but that I'm so important, I'm unconditionally loved. I haven't had that with anyone else, maybe with my mum, but it's complicated. You'll still love each other even if you fuck everything up."

"It feels like it's a real love, it's completely unconditional. You become a better person, you understand what it's like loving someone. You learn a certain amount about human beings. You learn to love human beings a bit more. All human beings started as good, full of love, then they get a bit twisted and changed by society ... The most difficult thing is that it's hard work. You don't have a lot of time. And once you have children you're going to worry about them for the rest of your life. You feel less free even if you understand love better. They're not necessarily gonna love you back though ..."

Different wants

Many of the ones who didn't have kids but wanted kids, felt very emotional about not having them yet. In some cases it was due to their partner (either sex) not wanting children or that they were single and started to feel they were too old. 2 of the parents in England and 2 of the parents in Sweden were single parents, something they had mixed feelings about. 1 person in Sweden had considered getting children on her own, but hadn't really pushed the idea, and another person said she was just as positive to adoption as to having her own kids.

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. A majority are heterosexual women, but there are a few men and some LGBT people in the study as well. Look out for the next question: What do your friends mean to you?

PÅ SVENSKA

Question 16c - What's your Attitude towards Sex?

What people in England thought about sex:

“I think we should be more free and easy about it, not be so stuck up … We should more readily share each others bodies, not like sharing a bottle of wine, but I think we should enjoy it. I have got no problem with one-night-stands, but a relationship is something much more than that. I’d prefer to stay with a person for a month than sleeping with thirty different people.”

“I feel really bad about sex, at the moment it’s not a positive thing. I last had sex five years ago with a man who said: ‘you’re not really my type but I’m too lonely to say no’. Most people want to be with a woman who is young and beautiful. I had a series of bad experiences.”

“I enjoy sex, I’m very good at it. I like masturbation, I use pornography or I should say erotica, illustrations, bondage, I like pictures. I would like sex with a woman at some point, I’m open for it, but am not looking at the moment … I don’t like sex to be rushed, it might be a woman thing … One night stands are healthy, but I’m not very good at it. I see sex as a bonding thing and it’s more healthy if there’s a connection. I see it as a spiritual connection. The man/woman doesn’t have to be spiritual but at least respect what you’re doing.” 

“I like it. It’s good. I only had one one-night-stand, that wasn’t very good … but one-night-stands are not necessarily bad.”

“It’s good, an individual ting. It’s important in relationships. Christians got a distorted idea and rush into marriage because of it … One-night-stands don’t work for me, but I’m glad I’ve experienced it. It can make women feel bad, it’s hard not to have an emotional charge.” 

“It’s fun, great … It’s important that it’s completely separated from violence and degradation of women. One-night-stands? It depends where you’re at.”

“It’s complicated, I’m not confident, I’m not motivated by sex anymore … I have no problem with one-night stands, there’s nothing wrong with it morally.”

“In general I really liked having sex, and having the conquest, but I have become more thoughtful over the past couple of years. Before that it was an ego thing, conquest … I was looking for it when I was younger. In the past two years, I’ve felt that I don’t want to have sex with just anybody. I want something more special, meaningful. I have a pretty strong sex drive, but no so strong I can’t put it aside.”

“I find it pretty confusing, I lost my virginity when I was 22, I was ridiculously shy … Most sex I’ve had has been one-night-stands.”

“It’s a lot of fun, I have no major hang-ups. One-night-stands can be fun, can be a  fuck-up … sometimes they turn into other things.”

“It’s something that happens on a distant planet. I had odd flings … When it works it’s really healthy for you, I miss it. It helps you feel like a woman; if you don’t have it for a long time you can feel neutral, female sexual energy can be really god … It can be really crap when it’s crap … I find it frustrating, people are obsessed with it. Sex out of long term relationships doesn’t work … I need: a) love, strong attraction b) get to know each other. It’s over-rated. Most people are like obsessed with it … It’s disappointing a lot of the time. There’s pressure to have sex, to be sexy, to have a lot of sex … One part of me find it ridiculous.”

“My sex drive isn’t that strong. When you get older it goes more and more … It’s fun, nice, but not something I’m wrapped up in … One-night-stands? No, I know nothing about that, I've stopped doing that. It’s more fun to know that you could have had a one-night-stand than actually having it, it’s an ego boost, to know that you can get laid, but not doing it.”

“It’s a wonderful thing, people enjoy it, it’s fun. One-night-stands are fine as long as the person you have the one-night-stand with isn’t a “Play misty for me-fan” or a “Fatal attraction-fan.”

What people in Sweden thought about sex:

”It's good if it's good. All enjoyment is positive, it doesn't mean that drugs are good, but sex is a natural enjoyment. It's stupid when people have feelings of guilt. One-night-stands are all okay, as long as you both agree.”

”It can be fantastic and good, but it's absolutely not the most important thing for me or in a relationship ... But the one-night-stands I've had have been quite fun, exciting …”

”Positive, important. One-night-stands? Not positive.”

”You have to have it with the one you love and are attracted to. It's a highlight … One-night-stands? I think you should look after yourself, have second thoughts ... I can understand that you do it, but to me, sex is a bit ... you give of yourself, there are so many dimensions to sex ... I don't know if I want to put a value on it ... It's an alternative if your marriage ends and you don't want a new partner, but you could work instead, wear yourself out by work."

”It's very important in a relationship, very intimate. One-night-stands haven't been that good for me personally, but it depends on.”

”It's good kind of, important perhaps, but it doesn't have to be that important ... It's very individual actually. If you have one-night-stands when you're single there's not a problem if you protect yourself ... Sometimes it can feel like sex is about confirmation for many girls, it becomes like a chase, I think.  It's better to get a fuck-buddy than getting a new guy every weekend.”

”I like sex, it's nice. One-night-stands had a function when you were single, it was exciting and releasing, relaxing, when you were in need of it.”

”What others do I don't care about, but personally I could never have sex with someone I didn't like, that I didn't know, it would never work." 

”It's something very positive to me. I wish it could be more positive and uncomplicated for more people ... To allow yourself to have sex with people who want to have sex with you. You shouldn't have to rationalise or let the intellect steer the choice of sex partners. We should go with the gut feeling. One-night-stands isn't a problem for me, if it feels right, it's right. If we hadn't build up this ideal with relationships where jealousy is a big thing it would be easier ... You should be able to allow that one person wants to be with only one person and that another wants to be with many. But we have to take it easy, we're shaped by our culture, it's hard to step aside from the norm. Personally I'd like an open relationship, as a confirmation of strength and power for the relationship, let each other go, let each other do what we want."

”I like sex and that, but it makes me feel exposed; I can become very uncomfortable from one moment to the other ... That I'm perhaps not good enough and very ugly ... One-night-stands? As long as you feel good and it feels good, absolutely, it can be fun, as long as both know what you're getting yourself into. Then you can't know if a  one-night-stand is a one-night one  … I'm probably the one who has had the most one-night-stands of all people I know, but I've been single so much that I've had the time."

”Come on, it's good! It's nice. One-night-stands? It's hard to tell as I've never had one, but if both agree I guess it's okay. It's up to each person what they do, but it's not something that works long-term. At times it could be good."

”It's good, important as well I think, but not the most important, but important ... I've never had one-night-stands, but maybe I've snogged someone down the pub … But really I think that sex is so much better when you'e in love, it's not like I feel like doing it with someone I don't know, I want to feel comfortable with that person."

”Society of today is divided into two worlds: one is sex as in being turned on - for the sake of sex, porn and nakedness, turned on because you get turned on by the thing itself. The other is because you're in love with each other, more than the need, when you love someone it's nice if you take care. Someone you meet down the pub who is super hot and sexy you could have sex with straight away - with someone you fall in love with, it doesn't come first. You don't have one-night-stands with someone you're in love with, it's someone you don't know, I don't want it when I'm in love."

”It goes in phases, how interested you are. I've had a dormant sex life for the past few years, you're doing so many other things. But it has never changed, it's not like you stop thinking about sex because you reach a certain age … One-night-stands are all okay as long as it doesn't make you feel bad, as long as you don't do something you don't want. It's easy to end up in a vicious circle, that you only have one-night-stands. In my twenties, if I'd not managed to pull, it was a disappointment, at the same time you didn't feel that good after all your sexual adventures. As long as it's okay for both of you there's nothing wrong with it.”

”I think about sex as others think about marriage ... Like other women long for weddings and have dreamed about it since they were little, I dream about sex. If there was a heaven, sex would be heaven, you should have it as often and as many times as you like ... One-night-stands are wonderful! Preferably ”three-night-stands”. You can let go more, it's exciting, fun ... I prefer to have lovers, if it's good a one-night-stand doesn't end with a one-night-stand.”

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. A majority are heterosexual women, but there are a few men and some LGBT people in the study as well. Two of the people in England weren't able to answer this particular question because their kids/partner were around. Look out for the next question: Do you want children?

PÅ SVENSKA

English cravings for Christmas

Just before Christmas I was hit by an enormous craving for England and anything English. Luckily there's an "English shop" in Gothenburg. There I spent more money than on Christmas presents for my family ... In the picture are only some of the stuff i miss from England:

*Christmas crackers (They exist in Sweden as a tree decoration, but there's no "gun powder" inside, just a piece of sweet if you're lucky and you're not supposed to crack it open until you take the tree out.)

*Mince pies (The first time I was offered a mince pie, I said no thanks as I'm a vegetarian and thought that the pie contained meat mince!)

*Mulled wine (I could not buy the wine itself, but I found the spices. In Sweden we have "glögg" which is similar but sweeter and is served with raisins and almonds.)

*Salt & vinegar crisps (There's a Swedish brand of salt and vinegar crisps nowadays but it doesn't even taste of vinegar in comparison to Walkers.)

*Cadbury's chocolate (I'm not a massive Cadbury fan, I just bought this in a flash of nostalgia.) 

*Flap jack

*E45 cream (A bit tragic to miss a cream! But then it's the best cream for dry skin that I've ever tried. Not very fancy, but it works.)

Merry Christmas/God Jul to all blog readers out there!

PÅ SVENSKA

Happy Winter Solstice!

Hooray! The days are getting longer again! (Well, a long day doesn't sound very positive, but what I really mean is that the days are getting lighter and brighter. I could really do with some sun right now.)

In England I used to celebrate the Winter Solstice by watching the light parade "Burning of the Clocks" that went through Brighton and finished off with fireworks on the beach. It felt a bit empty not being there this year, but I went for a walk along the quayside in Gothenburg and was hit by all the artificial lights.

In the past, in Sweden, 21 December was called "Tomas fylltunna" which means "Tomas pissed barrel" as it was time to try the Christmas beer ... As I mentioned in my previous post, even in the 19th century people thought that Lucia was the longest night instead of the 21st or the 22nd. Unfortunately I have no home brewed beer to try ... 

PÅ SVENSKA

World Toilet Day - Carpets in the Toilet

I had no idea that it was World Toilet Day when I did an author performance at my old school. Among other things I talked about the Swenglish project and what it was like travelling around, staying with 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden. 

In Sweden a lot of people think it's very unhygienic that there are carpets in some English bathrooms and it's often one of the things they mention when talking about England. (Perhaps people in Sweden are a bit too hygiene obsessed or what do you think ...?)

I've seen a fair share of carpets myself, but none of the 15 people I stayed with in England had carpets in their toilets. (But one person's mum had one and I also saw a carpet in a pub toilet during the project!)

PÅ SVENSKA

Question 14: What's your first memory?

Traumatic memories

10 out of 15 people in Sweden mentioned something more or less traumatic as their first memory (everything from a death in the family to pooping in their pants) but only 4 out of 15 people in England shared a traumatic memory. 

I have no idea why it turned out this way. If I'd chosen 30 different people for the Svenglish project the result might have been reversed. That Swedish people mentioned so many traumatic events was perhaps because they felt closer to me as we spoke the same language and grew up in the same country. 

Memories from the pram

What surprised me was that three people (two in Sweden, one in England) mentioned very early memories.

"I'm sitting in the buggy and am allowed sweets for the first time and I thought 'I'll remember this'. It was the first time I could think in that way, I must have been two or three years old. I've remembered all my life that I will remember this."

"My birthday party when I was two. I'm looking out of the window and I see my granddad coming."

"Lying in the pram, Dad singing the Batman theme tune".

Age obsession

I hardly remember anything at all before I was six. It's like my life began when I started pre-school and what happened before that didn't really exist. I had a theory that people in England had earlier memories because they start school earlier, but that theory didn't work out. There were several people in Sweden who had memories from kindergarten. However, the Swedes knew more specifically how old they were when certain things happened.

I don't know if people are more age obsessed in Sweden, but sometimes it seems like that. At least when you read the headlines and it says "29-year old woman" or "36-year old man" did this or that. In England, in my experience, it's not as common to mention age as an important quality even though it might be mentioned in the article in itself.

Abstract and detailed memories

Many writing exercises at creative writing courses or in books ask you to describe your first childhood memory. (And sometimes lie about it.) The Swenglish participants recalled both abstract and detailed memories that inspired me:

"Light playing on the ceiling."

"Eating toothpaste and watching King Kong on a black and white telly." 

My first memory

Funnily enough I remember an old lady visiting my childminder and she told me about breaking a cup and telling me that it's sad that you only remember the sad things ... But I think I was seven or eight then. My first memory is playing with a dark red purse with a zip and that there are thick yellow and red crayons inside and that I'm on somebody's porch. How I found the purse (pictured) again after all these years you can read about in the book some time in the future ... 

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. Look out for the next question: What's your relationship to your family? (I've chosen not to include question 14b "How was your childhood?" as people gave either too general or too private answers.)

PÅ SVENSKA

Question 13a: How Different is Your Life Now Compared to What You Thought it Would Be Like When You Were Younger?

What I thought ...

When I was a teenager I thought that I would lead a "boring, stable life" when I was 30. That I would live in Jönköping (a smallish town near my hometown) in a flat that I owned together with a boyfriend and perhaps work at the local paper. In reality I wanted something different, but I found it difficult to point my finger on it.

Some kind of "rock 'n' roll-lifestyle" (as a metaphor for adventure, parties, travels, romances, writing and other artistic endeavours). And I did experience a lot of rock 'n' roll in my twenties even though it was more poetry than rock 'n' roll. I would never have guessed that I would be into Poetry Slam: I didn't even know what it was as a teenager. I would not have guessed that I would spend so many years in England either. Or that my first book would win a prize for the best debut novel. But then this "early mid-life crisis" hit me, the crisis that resulted in the Swenglish project. 

Rock 'n' roll is fun, but yet I yearned for a more stable life than the life I was leading when I approached my 30th birthday. I was fed up with being a constant lodger, moving around, doing day jobs, drinking too much beer, messing about and being far away from my family and my very very best friends. 

Now I'm renting my own flat in Gothenburg and am studying ethnology. It doesn't sound very rock 'n' roll. But the most important thing in my life is still my writing. The novels. The poetry. The performances. And I've started blogging for a local paper ... However, now and again a bit of rock 'n' roll happens (when I did a poetry gig in Gävle for example!), but the bottle of vodka that I got from an Englishman back in September is still untouched. That would never have happened ten years ago. 

What the Swenglish participants thought ... 

About half the people in Sweden and a bit more than half the people in England expressed that their lives were very or pretty different compared to the life they had envisioned when they were younger. Most of them, especially in England, had a better life than expected, but a few would have thought that they would be more successful in their jobs.

Six people (all above 30) thought that they would be parents by now. But there were also two people (above 30 as well) who were surprised about being parents at all.

Five people had not thought very much about the future when they were younger and had nothing to compare with. One participant expressed it in this way: "When I was a teenager I thought I would be dead when I was 27, everything after that becomes some strange bonus that I hadn't expected".

Seven people claimed that they had always followed their ideals, even though their lives looked different on the surface compared to what they had thought. Another person said: "I've made my life into the life I wanted it to be even though I couldn't express what I wanted". 

It's interesting to note that in some cases (my own case for example) there's a difference between how people thought it would turn out and how they wanted it to turn out.

This study is by no means scientific, the answers are based on interviewing 15 people in England and 15 people in Sweden, aged 22-59. Look out for the next question: How different is your life now compared to the life you would like to have?

PÅ SVENSKA